Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Out there. From in Here.


It's been a while... so here I go.


Take me away - [to a place I've never been before] } elevate me, help me levetate, because whenever I meditate, I find your love and I want to reciprocate.

I think I have found an authentic source of 'love'.
I am scared... it has never been this real before.
I dwell in a dynamic state shifting between a euphoric sense, a hint of anxiety, short moments of manic depression, and then a steady straight face mixed with a soldier's demeanor.

Am I less capable of 'love'-ing, because time and blessings have empowered me to -:/hide/ my true feelings.
I only fear that this is all temporary and is actually just a phase... of simple and plain InFatUation.

I do not like that. I like my love like a drug... deep, long-lasting, (might I say sedative), and leaving a permanent effect on my apparent affect (physical composure).
I want it to f*ck me up, awaken me in the middle of the night, give me jitters, allow me to touch insanity, just to come back to reality in the morning, and live a "mundane" life, anticipating the rollercaoster for another night... right before my Bed-time.


So now that you know...
Will you love me. Will you hear me (cry... silently). Will you touch me (when... I feel cold). Will you read right through me (through... the glare in your eyes).

Or will you be a regular girl.
Buying your Starbucks coffee. Eating a different delicacy in designated "chill" sittings. Texting your 'fRieNds' about the latest and hottest joke/trend... ?!

Am I entitled to be on your iPod's playlist.
Do you hear my scream in the middle of the night, through that Lady Gaga song blazing through your ear-plugs? ... huh?

Or will you run to me when I need you most. When I am broken (in spirit) and hurt (in body). When I can't breath (because paranoia has made me rigid).

If I become incoherent, and mumble to myself in a room in 2D Department of the Psyche Ward in Credit Valley Hospital... will you come to visit to try to decipher what my genuine soul has promised even though my "behaviour" has seemed off the wall and inconsistent...?!


*No answer?!... maybe it is best that we part ways, so there is room for someone -out=there- to show me the love and support that will be needed as I embark through long and gruesome journeys to fulfill what 'I' believe I was put here on this Earth destined to fulfill...

The only problem is... 'I' don't even know ~ @`1... It is a continuous process of discovery, through trial and error, to reach one day a goal, that maybe has been written for me to achieve... as I have come to respect that a life without purpose... is a journey with no destination...


Down to ride? Through thick and thin? When we're both broke, and all I have is $0.17 for gas money, a little food, and that Ice-cream I promised we would have in the midst of the hazy summer.

I love you girl. I'm your Clyde... try to be my Bonnie.

Just the two of Us - [We can make 'it' if we try] } Let's look at each other's eyes and try to make it against all odds... only then can we say... in 40 years, that 'We' made something out of nothing... by our collective power of intent, and through the gift of divine inspiration, and the missing element of ---Trust in G'od--... that : Hah! We believe and then we achieve(d).

Maybe then 'our' story is worthwhile to share... hmm..
Can we say... "grandkids"??!!

*Grins big...*


Come what may - [ Peace, love, struggle, strife, steadfast-ness, inspiration, trial & error, passion, obsession, compassion, and... Light ].

: - ).


(c) Mar. 2011`.
~@ [ [ 1.

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